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注:阿西莉 是 Ashley 的音译。这是一位很漂亮也很善良的女孩,两年前本科毕业,随后作为联合国维和部队一名义工驻扎在北非摩洛哥中部的某个小城。她曾说她的理想是当一名外交官,计划在维和部队当两到三年的义工,算是积累一些经验,在个人简历 resume 上加上有说服力的一笔。当然,义工只是名义上不领薪水,但基本的生活费和必备的开销(例如手机电脑吃饭住宿等)还是有的,所以她在摩洛哥的生活没有任何问题,最主要的还是文化环境的巨大差异,以及难以排弃的孤单与孤独。去年这个时候,全世界除了中国外,新冠病毒还没有爆发,我在欧洲旅游时(生平第一次去欧洲)还特意去了摩洛哥看望这位善良、坚强的女孩,把她给高兴坏了。我现在手头还有几枚摩洛哥的硬币,呵呵。
去年大约四月份(?),病毒开始肆虐摩洛哥。摩洛哥在非洲不算很差,但毕竟属于穷国,卫生条件等跟不上,阿西莉只得飞回老家。回到老家后不知啥原因,新冠病毒还是没有放过她,据说五月份中招了。她很不幸,是我认识的人中唯一一个明确中招的。阿西莉虽然年轻,但兴许体质不怎么样,她中招后,还进过医院,虽然没有大碍,但病情几经反复,心态也几经反复。新年伊始,阿西莉终于在家乡附近找到了一份喜欢的工作,她的生活自此翻开了新的一页。
-------------- Life Is Beautiful ----------------
In the bleak and uncertain and the shaky too. I've been listening to this country song (unsurprising I know) this past month since that day I left my life that had just begun taking hold after months of building a foundation in my community in Morocco...and it's just stuck with me because it's how I've felt - messy (look it up if you want by chase rice). Starting from feeling like my heart was being torn from me taking that bus away from home at sunrise looking out the window with so much uncertainty, disbelief. I took a picture and immediatelly felt silly - I wasn't really leaving why take a picture of what I see every day.. and if I was leaving I'd be right back in no more than a couple weeks right?
Flitting between being seemingly totally fine to utterlly broken in another moment. Feeling guilty because so many others have lost immeasurablly more than me throughout the world over this virus - I can't get caught up in the little I've had happen.
Under it all though, I still feel the pain of the goodbyes I didn't get to say. The people I left behind. The suddenness of it all. Being reminded of how little I seemed to know just a month ago.
Trying to move forward but being caught in memories.
You know memories aren't curses that prevent us from moving on - they can be sweet reminders of the people places and pieces of life that have been used to change and shape and sculpt us into who we are becoming. Sometimes life doesn't check to see if we're ready though.
And it's been hard. And that's ok. There's no use pretending it hasn't. No reason to pretend I don't miss before. And if it's been hard for you, I'm here, I will listen.
Let's not be disappointed in other people right now, let's be understanding.
In a note underlying all of this - this year, 2020, since the beginning a theme for me has been realizing over and over how strikingly intentional God is. He doesn't have arw accidents. And I've been noticing that from a new lens yet again as the year has turned to spring.
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